Passion By Design

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Mastering the Art of Flirting

Married or not, it’s an enviable woman who has mastered the art of flirting. What feels more wonderful than to be flirted with, paid attention to, flattered, and admired? If you are married, your husband will be re-awakened to your intoxicating beauty. If you are single, flirting can be the first step to reconnecting with your sensuality and desirability.

Whether a woman is 19 or 90, it is her womanly right to flirt and be flirted with! When we fully explore the wellspring of flirting, life becomes richer, fuller, and doggonnit!… more fun!

Listen to one of our own Passion By Design stories…

Sandy was divorced after 25 years of marriage. It was a surprise to all who knew her, but Sandy was determined to enrich her life with new opportunities. She decided that being divorced and in your fifties is a chance to be young all over again!

Those years can be the teenage years of the rest of your life! She took a year to gather her life together, then set out on a journey to rediscover dating.

Sandy went to parties, gallery openings, concerts…all of the right places to meet new people. She wasn’t interested in getting right into another committed relationship, just casual dating. She missed the friendship she had with her husband, and looked forward to finding male friendship with others.

Weeks went by… noth­ing. Months went by…nothing. She finally asked her therapist for some sugges­tions. “Sandy,” she stated, “Your red stoplight has been turned on for twenty five years, it’s time to turn the green light back on!”

She was right! Many of us who have been in long-term relationships have forgotten what it’s like to flirt. As soon as we got married, we subconsciously turned on the red light. Somehow, we thought that flirting was reserved for the single woman. Not true! Flirting can be perfectly harmless, but oh so good for the self-esteem. Flirting with your spouse can re-ignite your marriage! We’re suggesting you turn the green light back on and start flirting!

Saying “I love you” can become boring and routine. Looking straight into the eyes of your man, and saying “I’m so in love with you” can evoke so much more passion.

Flirting can release pheromones that attract the opposite sex. A friend of ours recounts the story of Olivia, a woman well in her 70’s. When at social gatherings, men seemed to flock around Olivia as men did around Scarlett O’Hara in “Gone With the Wind.” Whether they were in their 30’s, 50’s, or 90’s, Olivia always had their attention. Our friend inquired of one of the gentlemen who knew her, “What is it about Olivia that men love?” The young man replied, “Ah…Olivia. Because when you talk to her, she makes you feel like you are the only man alive.”

“The most beautiful make-up on a woman is passion.” – Yves Saint-Laurent

Olivia mastered the art of flirting to its most charismatic level. When speaking with men, she looked them straight in the eye. When they were talking, she was mesmerized. She only asked questions when the pause in their speech indicated just the right time.

Neuro-linguistic specialists tell us even nodding the head or voicing a “Hmmm” or “uh huh” can interrupt a man’s train of thought! Again, the important thing is to stay focused and at attention…truly listen!

Mastering flirting is like a magician’s sleight of hand. It is imperceptible to others, but undeniable to those involved. It is eye contact held just a second longer…a smile which stays on the lips, just a second longer…a knowing touch that lingers, just a second longer.

There is tremendous power in a look or a brief gaze. A seemingly casual graze of a hand on his shoulder, or a glint of the eye divulging some secret amusement, something that only you know, but he is dying to learn, …these are the foundations of mastering the art of flirting. All that’s needed is a little practice!

Sandy Peckinpah and Paula McChesney are authors of a book, Passion By Design and host a radio show by the same name. Their topics offer information and insight on designing and living a life of romance, intention, and passion. Visit for information and listening to past radio shows (also can be heard on iTunes).

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